Thousands of college students across the country are beginning their first year of college. The encouragement we are giving them may not be as helpful as we think. In fact, our well-meaning encouragement and optimism do incoming college students a disservice.
From the moment I stepped foot on my future college campus on a rainy Saturday in March, I dreamt of my future there. I imagined my large but tight-knit friend group, academic success and a thriving social life. The moment I found out I was accepted remains one of the happiest moments of my life. Every time I was asked about my plans after high school, it was hard not to smile as I shared where I would be attending college.
However, as my late-August move-in date approached, this excitement was replaced by anxiety. How would I make friends? Would I still be a strong student? How will I manage living alone in a new city? The worries were relentless. Older friends and family lovingly encouraged me, “College is the best four years of your life,” they said repeatedly. “You will be fine,” I attempted to reassure myself, “everyone loves college.”
Except not everyone loves college — at least I certainly didn’t. My college experience was incredibly difficult. I struggled socially and with mental health, making it hard for me to make friends and succeed academically. The COVID-19 pandemic struck halfway through my junior year, increasing the sense of isolation I already felt. Though there were glimpses of the perfect college experience society had promised, for me, college was not perfect — it was hard.
Yet when people would ask me how I liked school, “I love it” was always my response, hoping that maybe if I said it enough times, it might magically become true. Admitting that I was unhappy or struggling seemed like the ultimate failure. If “everyone loves college,” what was wrong with me?
What I know now is that nothing was wrong with me, and I was far less alone in my experience than I thought.
The data do not lie: College is hard for most students. Most college students in the United States meet the criteria for a mental health condition, with rates of depression, anxiety and suicidality among college students higher than ever. A Gallup poll in 2023 found that 66% percent of college students reported feeling stressed and 39% reported feeling lonely “during a lot of the day.”
These mental health struggles are compounded by the widespread substance use and abuse present on college campuses.
When we tell students that college will be the best four years of their lives, we ignore all these realities. Teenagers enter college under the pretense that they are kicking off what will be four utopic years. Inevitably, they’re disappointed to realize that what lies ahead of them is simply four years of life. The ups and downs inherent to the human experience don’t pause the moment you step foot in your dorm room (which is not nearly big enough for two people).
It’s only years after graduating that I can see my college experience for exactly what it was: a difficult few years, a place where I met some of my best friends and received an incredible education, and a time fraught with loneliness — all at once. I also know now that my experience was not unique.
Had I known this then, maybe I would have felt more comfortable asking for help or put less pressure on myself to have an idyllic college experience. By attempting to foster excitement among those heading off to college, we’re adding to the pressure cooker in which adolescents already live. It’s time we make space in the conversation for the truth that college is a great time in life — and it’s also a challenging one.
I wish my college self knew that now, at the age of 25, I am the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been. I wouldn’t change anything about my college experience, but I would tell my younger self (and all soon-to-be college students) that whether you love college or hate it, there is so much more life ahead of you.
Caroline Boucher (carolineboucher9@gmail.com) is a clinical research coordinator in New York City with a B.A. from Georgetown University and a Master of Science in Social Work from Columbia University.