At least the outcome was known very early on.
Uh, what did I just watch? Was it a game between two major league baseball teams? Because it sure did not look like it. To me, it looked more like one major league baseball team and one old man baseball team that meets up on Wednesday nights at the ball field behind the Moose Lodge.
It was another massacre for the Orioles, a 15-2 loss.
First, there was the 37-year-old Kyle Gibson, who has been pitching a bit in the minors around his back pain. I get it, Kyle. When you reach a certain age, your back just starts hurting for no reason. It happens to me too.
Second, there was the offense. Their first hit didn’t come until the team was down 12-0. Carlos Rodón was perfect through five before walking Emmanuel Rivera to lead off the sixth. Jorge Mateo broke up the no-hitter with a double, then Rivera came in to score on a groundout that the Yankees didn’t bother trying to cut down.
The second hit and run for the Orioles came on a Gunnar Henderson FUHR in the seventh inning. The third came on a sac fly in the ninth when the Yankees had 15 runs.
Now, back to Kyle Gibson and the pitching disaster.
Before I could even settle into my recliner to enjoy this game, Gibson fell apart. He threw an 87-mph cutter right down the middle, and you could practically see Trent Grisham’s mouth start watering in anticipation. He launched it 412 feet over the out-of-town scoreboard. But don’t blink! On the very next pitch, Aaron Judge also went deep.
But wait, there’s more! Ben Rice joined the party with a home run of his own. That’s back-to-back-to-back home runs that all felt like they came in the span of about 45 seconds.
Paul Goldschmidt embarrassingly grounded out before Cody Bellinger made it four home runs in the inning. Jazz Chisolm and Anthony Volpe decided to mix it up with back-to-back doubles for the fifth run.
Gibby’s fifth home run allowed came the next inning, It was his last of the night. He’s only pitched in one game this year and has now given up more home runs than Cade Povich and just one fewer than Tomoyuki Sugano and Charlie Morton. And Morton’s the worst pitcher in baseball! More on him later.
The Kyle Gibson Meltdown Experience continued until he was pulled after 3.2 innings. His pitching line is 3.2 IP, 11 H, 9 R, 2 BB, 2 K, 5 HR. He threw 73 pitches. I think only about 55 of them were total meatballs.
Matt Bowman followed Gibson and gave up three runs of his own, but I don’t want to give him a hard time. He has been pretty solid out of the bullpen so far and he’s been getting a lot of work. Get ‘em next time, Matt.
Then something wild happened. They brought in Charlie Morton! As broadcaster Ben McDonald pointed out, today would have been a day that Morton threw a bullpen anyway, so he basically was just throwing his bullpen in a pointless game. Morton just threw 80 pitches on Saturday. I remember because I had to write about that game as well.
Maybe I was shell-shocked after Gibson, but Morton didn’t look that bad. He threw 43 pitches in 2.1 innings. But he only gave up one run, and it was unearned. Henderson booted what should have been the third out. Not great, Gunnar. Morton lowered his ERA from 10.36 to 9.45.
Once you’ve had the two worst starting pitchers appear, why not the worst relief pitcher? Oh yeah, it was Cionel Pérez time. He came out to start the eighth inning and went to a 3-2 count before hitting Oswaldo Cabrera.
He got a double-play ball hit to second base, but Jackson Holliday couldn’t make the play. He had just come into the game to start the inning. It was the third error of the game for the Orioles, the other two were from Henderson and Ramón Laureano. So of course Cabrera came in to score one batter later. It was the Yankees’ 14th run.
In the 9th inning, the Yankees had 18 hits and none were from Austin Wells. Enter Bryan Baker. Wells took him deep for their 15th run and his first hit of the game. Not that it mattered at that point.
In my final paragraph, I’ll shout out Maverick Handley. After six minor-league seasons, Handley made his major league debut when he replaced Adley Rutschman in the 6th inning. He went 0-for-2 at the plate, but he still looked like he was loving life. Welcome to the big leagues, Mav.