NBA Cellar Dweller Power Rankings Week 4

There’s more shake-up at the top as the Blazers put up one of the worst stinkers in recent memory.

Welcome to the penultimate edition of the NBA Cellar Dweller Power Rankings! It was a wild week around the association, but much of the chaos flew under the radar as March Madness heated up. The craziness in the NBA was far overshadowed by the instant classic that was Iowa-LSU in the women’s tournament (shoutout Caitlin Clark), but there were still plenty of blowouts and eye-popping statistical performances that we need to discuss.

If you need a refresher or an explanation, here is last week’s ranking.

8. San Antonio Spurs

Week’s record: 2-2

Season point differential: -7.0

An interesting subplot to the upcoming NBA playoffs: Win your championships now, guys. Victor Wembanyama is coming.

Wemby was not merely statistically dominant, although we may have just witnessed his best counting-stat week thus far. He was dominant in a winning way. The Spurs beat the Jazz, 118-111, and for the rest of the week Wemby averaged 32 points, 15 rebounds and 7 assists per game. The Spurs weathered a 61-point explosion by Jalen Brunson to throttle the Knicks before dropping two very close games to the Warriors (who need every win they can get right now just to make the play-in) and the Nuggets (who are probably going to win the Finals).

Oh, by the way, Wemby flirted with a QUADRUPLE-DOUBLE in that Nuggets game! The presumptive Rookie of the Year (and an All-NBA, All-Defensive AND Defensive Player of the Year candidate) put up 23 points, 15 rebounds, 8 assists and 9 blocks in a five-point loss at the hands of Nikola Jokić. The last quadruple-double occurred on February 17, 1994, and I’ll tell you now that the next several belong to Wemby. Who recorded that quadruple-double in 1994? None other than Hall of Fame Spurs big man David Robinson.

7. Memphis Grizzlies

Week’s record: 1-2

Season point differential: -7.2

I’ll be once again cutting the Memphis Grizzlies some slack this week. When Zavier Simpson checked into the game against the Orlando Magic on March 30, he became the 31st player to play in a game for the Grizzlies this season, breaking an NBA record. Just think about that — the Grizzlies have played enough players this season to field two full NBA teams with an extra player to spare! An unnamed Seattle businessman is mailing a blank check to Adam Silver as we speak.

6. Brooklyn Nets

Week’s record: 2-2

Season point differential: -2.7

Huge props to Cam Thomas, who basically got to play in an open gym this week. Thomas took 87 shots in four games, and you know he had a damn good time doing it. Thomas’ 38 points powered the Nets to a win against the Wizards, and he dropped another 28 in a big win over the Bulls. He then scored 30 and 22 in two blowout losses to the Lakers and Pacers. I am starting to think Thomas’ box score numbers have no effect on the outcome of the game.

Anyway, the Nets are still yet to be officially eliminated. Even making the play-in would essentially require Brooklyn to win out while the Hawks lose out (an unlikely but not impossible scenario), but the far more likely situation is the Nets ending up with between 32 and 34 wins. Not great considering they do not own their own draft picks.

5. Washington Wizards

Week’s record: 1-3

Season point differential: -9.5

What a strange week it was for the Washington Wizards. They dropped a game in overtime to the Nets and then stunk up the joint against the Pistons before losing by a reasonable margin to the Miami Heat, who were coming off of spanking the Portland Trail Blazers by 60 points. Oh, and then the Wizards pulled out a win over the Milwaukee Bucks. While starting Anthony Gill. And Giannis Antetokounmpo posted a 35-point triple-double. What a game.

The youngsters and the castoffs have been getting pretty substantial minutes for the Wizards as of late to mixed results. On the bright side for Wizards fans, Tristan Vukčević is getting more run; he played 13 minutes in the Heat game and then scored 14 points in 31 minutes against the Bucks. On the downside (or also the bright side, maybe?) he is already outperforming Johnny Davis, the 10th pick in last year’s draft.

In 64 minutes played this week, Davis scored six points, grabbed eight rebounds and dished out three assists. Having a whole week’s worth of games combine to produce one PJ Tucker stat line is frankly a disaster; I don’t mean to harp on the guy, it’s just obvious he is not an NBA-level player, especially not one worth the 10th pick in what is increasingly looking like an outstanding draft. On the bright side for Scorigami nerds like myself, Davis accomplished a rare feat against the Bucks — scoring exactly one point in a game. Typically, like in Davis’ case, the player’s only scoring play is a split pair of free throws.

(Side note: when I saw that Davis scored exactly one point, I decided to look into how many times a player has scored exactly one point in a game in NBA history. I figured it had happened around 20 to 30 times considering the specific circumstances of such minimal production. To my shock, I found this article from Fadeaway World listing the all-time leaders in such games, headlined by Reggie Evans with FIFTY-EIGHT such games by himself.)

4. Detroit Pistons

Week’s record: 1-2

Season point differential: -8.8

The Detroit Pistons are 13-62, so that’s now 75 games of me believing that they’re a better team than their record suggests. There is real talent on Detroit’s roster — Jaden Ivey is one of the quickest players in the league, Jalen Duren is a rebounding machine, Simone Fontecchio is a beyond-solid stopgap forward and Ausar Thompson is one of the most athletic and dynamic defensive players in the league (it’s a shame he’s playing basketball instead of football, though, because he unfortunately also has to play offense). Oh, and Cade Cunnigham, of course.

An aside on Cade Cunningham: We’re about to wrap up year three of Cade’s career, and I still have no idea what to make of him. He’s one of the most inconsistent top-tier NBA talents, but the highs are really high. He scored 32 or more points in every game this week, but he is incredibly streaky in his playmaking. In two games against Washington and Memphis, Cunningham combined for 15 assists, but in a loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves he dished out just two. Of course, a single game with just two assists is not something worth paying much attention in the long-term, but I do think this back-and-forth is indicative of his inconsistency. Is he really the franchise guy for Detroit? I think that remains to be seen.

3. Charlotte Hornets

Week’s record: 1-3

Season point differential: -10.6

The Charlotte Hornets played a brutal schedule this week but managed to squeak out a win. Impressive rookie Brandon Miller posted 31 points in a big win over the Cleveland Cavaliers before the Hornets suffered back-to-back-to-back blowouts against the Warriors, Clippers and Celtics.

I’ve been quite vocal in the past about how uninspiring this Hornets team is, so I would like to keep the negativity to a minimum and instead highlight Vasilje Micić. Micić is a 30-year-old rookie who began this season with the Thunder before being flipped to Charlotte in the Gordon Hayward deal. He was drafted at the end of the second round all the way back in 2014 and played around Europe and Turkey before finding his way to the NBA in the past year.

Micić played limited minutes with the Thunder early in the season but has become a key part of the Hornets rotation since his arrival. In 28 minutes, he’s averaging 11.5 points and 6.3 assists per game.

2. Toronto Raptors

Week’s record: 0-3

Season point differential: -5.8

Luckily for the Toronto Raptors, the Jontay Porter gambling scandal was able to fly a bit under the radar this week. Unfortunately for the Toronto Raptors, they lost every game this week by 15 or more points. A run-in with old friend Kyle Lowry, who logged 38 minutes for the Philadelphia 76ers, was a nice way to wash the taste of a 44-point loss to the New York Knicks out of Toronto’s mouth.

I don’t have a lot to say about the Raptors to be completely honest, and my main takeaway from poring over their box scores this week was the following: It’s hilarious but also a shame that a man named Javon Freeman-Liberty plays for the only Canadian team in the NBA. A “Freeman-Liberty” 76ers jersey would go triple platinum. Every SEC frat boy would be overcome with the primal urge to purchase the home, away and city edition variants.

1. Portland Trail Blazers

Week’s record: 0-3

Season point differential: -8.8

I want to say nice things about them, but one game is overshadowing everything else that happened this week.

The Portland Trail Blazers — an NBA team — lost by 60 points to the Miami Heat. This loss was disastrous for a number of reasons. First, there have only been nine 60-plus point losses in NBA history, and two of them have been this season’s Blazers team (they also lost by 62 to the Thunder in January). Add in a 65-point loss to the Pacers in 1998, and the Blazers now account for ¹⁄₃ of all 60-point losses in NBA history.

Second, a rough week for Scoot Henderson was capped off by a plus-minus of -58 in the loss to the Heat, the worst in NBA history. Only once this week did Henderson record more points than field goal attempts, and he now owns two of the three worst plus-minus games in NBA history. It’s been a tough rookie season.

The Blazers will be fine, I think. The NBA game is not kind to rookie guards, and Portland still needs to make decisions on players like Malcolm Brogdon, Jerami Grant and Robert Williams III, so things will get better. They’re still beginning their long rebuild process after trading Damian Lillard so late in the offseason, so this season was doomed from the start to be a disaster.

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What did you think of this week’s rankings? As always, feel free to drop a comment or hit me on Twitter @MarcoGacina!