NBA Cellar Rankings Vol. V: Bad week for Wizards, worse week for Beal

Washington dropped a pair of games to the New Orleans Pelicans to return to their rightful place at the bottom of the league standings.

Welcome back to the NBA Cellar Dweller Power Rankings!

We’re getting to a point in the season where a loss to any one of these featured teams could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and sends a team into a rebuild. We had two potential cases of that this week that didn’t end up breaking any teams up: the Miami Heat got absolutely smoked by the Utah Jazz, and the Charlotte Hornets cleanly disposed of a floundering Phoenix Suns team.

If you’d like a refresher, here’s last week’s column.

6. Utah Jazz

Last week’s ranking: 3

This week’s record: 2-1 (Wins over Miami and Orlando, loss to Atlanta)

Net rating: -6.9

The Jazz were the first squad that nearly sent another team into a rebuild this week. Jimmy Butler has almost certainly played his last game for the Miami Heat pending a trade, and the Jazz capitalized by stomping on Miami for a 36-point victory. All five starters scored in double figures, as did second-year forward Brice Sensabaugh, who poured in a career-high 34 points off the bench. That’s the second most points in a game by a player off the bench this season.

5. Portland Trail Blazers

Last week’s ranking: 6

This week’s record: 2-1 (Wins versus Milwaukee and New Orleans, loss to Detroit)

Net rating: -8.0

To an extent, the Blazers mirror the Wizards of the past few seasons. Portland’s roster is a collection of talented players who would be best utilized in different roles on different teams. They can be a really fun watch, though, especially when they’re thrusting daggers in the hearts of should-be contenders like the Milwaukee Bucks.

Scoot Henderson had 22 points in three games this week… the Portland guard who was supposed to take over the league opposite Victor Wembanyama has not lived up to his pre-draft hype at all through a season and a half. I’m optimistic — Scoot is still a month shy of 21 — but he’s got some serious work to do if he wants to be a starter in this league, let alone a star.

4. New Orleans Pelicans

Last week’s ranking: 2

This week’s record: 2-2 (Two wins over Washington, losses to Minnesota and Portland)

Net rating: -10.2

The Pelicans entered this week as the worst team in the NBA before taking down the actual worst team in the NBA twice in a row (spoiler alert!). Zion Williamson returned after that pair of victories… for one game before sitting out the second night of a back-to-back.

The Pels are 7-31 on the season after unconvincingly eking out a playoff appearance last season while fully healthy. This roster once looked like a prototype for the future of the NBA — a collection of mostly rangy wings who can shoot and defend — but I fear this era of New Orleans basketball may soon be over without so much as a playoff series win.

3. Charlotte Hornets

Last week’s ranking: 4

This week’s record: 1-2 (Win over Phoenix, losses to Detroit and Cleveland)

Net rating: -6.1

The Hornets were the other team this week that had a chance to send another team into a rebuild. Charlotte took down the fully healthy Phoenix Suns by double digits, and I know every Wizards fan wants me to point out the Suns’ main problem. I’m holding back. This is a column where I’m supposed to be talking about the Hornets, after all. But man… $250 M’s… no trade clause… benched…

(Wizards fans, go ahead and take a victory lap. Here’s a French song I’ve had on repeat for you to listen to before sitting down and watching some Bilal Coulibaly highlights).

2. Toronto Raptors

Last week’s ranking: 1

This week’s record: 0-3 (Losses to Orlando, Milwaukee and New York)

Net rating: -8.1

In their last 16 games, the Raptors have won once. They’re no longer my favorite ethical tank — they get defenselessly blasted like actual, real-life velociraptors. Most Raptors games are double-digit losses, except, of course, when they hung close with the league-best Cleveland Cavaliers this week just for funsies.

1. Washington Wizards

Last week’s ranking: 5

This week’s record: 0-4 (Two losses to New Orleans, losses to Houston and Philly)

Net rating: -13.1

Oh man, Wizards.

Washington lost by a combined 24 points to the New Orleans Pelicans in two matchups this past week, including one in which 33-year-old CJ McCollum went for a cool 50 points. The Wizards have now reclaimed whatever the opposite of a crown is as the worst team in the NBA — they sit at a putrid 6-29 on the season.

On the bright side, Alex Sarr is now at the top of the NBA’s rookie ladder!

Sarr had a 1-for-12 stinker against the Rockets, but he hooped in the two games against the Pelicans, averaging 18.5 points and 9 rebounds.

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Around the league, we got one of the best games of the year so far and a potential Finals preview in Thunder-Cavs. Unfortunately, I was only able to watch the fourth quarter because I’m back home in Los Angeles, which, as you probably know, is currently battling some of the most destructive wildfires of the past century.

We’re also in the midst of some of the most depressing trade sagas in recent history. Jimmy Butler, Bradley Beal and basically all of the New Orleans Pelicans are up for grabs, and it seems that nobody is after them, whether for financial reasons or otherwise. I am begging the Sacramento Kings not to bite into the Jimmy Butler apple, a move which could have biblical consequences (especially if they re-sign him).