There’s a new number one this week; look away, Washington fans.
Welcome to Week 2 of my NBA Cellar Dweller Power Rankings!
Each week I rank the worst teams in the NBA based on a combination of the week’s performance and how set up they are for success going forward (a certain team in Texas thus gets quite a bit of leeway). This week, let’s give a warm welcome to the Brooklyn Nets and Memphis Grizzlies, who have crashed and burned their way into the catacombs of the NBA.
If you need a refresher or an explanation, here is last week’s ranking.
7. San Antonio Spurs
Week’s record: 1-2
Season point differential: -7.4
Maybe over the next few weeks I’ll drop this gimmick, but for the time being I am keeping San Antonio at the bottom of these rankings because they employ Victor Wembanyama. The presumptive Rookie of the Year and a near lock for multiple MVPs and DPOYs over the next decade-plus, Wembanyama is living up to his billing as the best prospect since LeBron.
The Spurs went 1-2 this week. In a 122-115 win over the Nets (more on them later), Wemby put up 33 points, grabbed 15 rebounds, dished out 7 assists and blocked SEVEN shots. The next game against the Mavs he recorded another six blocks. Wemby is a one-of-one, a unicorn, a freak, any cliche you could possibly come up with; his teammates, however, are pedestrian at best. Jeremy Sochan is a nice player, as is Devin Vassell, and Tre Jones is a great backup (too much of whom is being asked). Trae Young is inevitably going to be traded to the Spurs this summer, and I think this team could start sniffing around the play-in this time next year.
6. Memphis Grizzlies
Week’s record: 0-3
Season point differential: -6.5
It’s hard to knock the Memphis Grizzlies for the absolute nightmare of a season they’ve endured, but they nonetheless have to make an appearance in these rankings. Memphis is still a borderline title contender when healthy, but this season for them has been one of the most brutal injury-filled seasons I have ever witnessed. Check out this stat: members of the Grizzlies roster have combined to miss a grand total of 436 games. FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIX!!!!
Perennial All-Star Ja Morant served a 25-game suspension and then went out for the season after playing in just nine games. Desmond Bane looked like an All-Star candidate before missing months with an ankle injury. Brandon Clarke was lost for the season before it even began, as was Steven Adams, who went on to be traded at midseason. Historically injury-prone Jaren Jackson Jr. has played the most games out of any Grizzly this season, and he has STILL missed 10 games.
Like with the Spurs, no matter how bad it gets, I’ll have a hard time putting the Grizzlies too low on this list. They’re just too good when healthy, and their struggles can be entirely attributed to freak injury luck. I am confident they’ll be back to their winning ways next year (oh, and by the way, PLEASE trade for Mikal Bridges).
5. Portland Trail Blazers
Week’s record: 1-3
Season point differential: -8.1
Last week, I failed to mention DeAndre Ayton, who is having a disappointing season overall. I originally had an entire paragraph dedicated to him in my first draft, but I deemed it too negative and decided to cut it. Some commenters pointed out my Ayton omission and must have rightfully felt quite vindicated when Ayton proceeded to go on an absolute TEAR. Check out his stat lines since my Week 1 rankings dropped:
- 33 points, 19 rebounds
- 31 points, 14 rebounds
- 20 points, 8 rebounds
- 25 points, 15 rebounds
It will still take me at least one full regular season to come back around to the idea that DeAndre Ayton could someday be some elite center, but this late-season heater he’s been on should be a refreshing sight for Blazers fans.
Overall, the Blazers are one of the more boring teams in the NBA to talk about. An Anfernee Simons scoring binge late this week was nice, but is he really a part of the future of this team? In fact, other than Shaedon Sharpe and Scoot Henderson, is anyone? Things could get real interesting with Portland this summer as they ship what veterans remain to title contenders, but for now they are stuck toiling at the bottom of the league.
4. Detroit Pistons
Week’s record: 1-3
Season point differential: -8.4
The Detroit Pistons had a good week considering what this season has looked like for them (excluding the game against the Celtics, which was an obvious punt). In a win against Toronto and back-to-back losses against Miami, all Pistons starters scored in double figures. In that win against the Raptors, Jalen Duren put up a ridiculous stat line of 24 points and 23 rebounds, NINE of which were offensive rebounds.
The week wasn’t without its lowlights, however. In the second loss against the Heat, the game was tied at 101 with 10 seconds left on the clock. With Detroit in possession of the ball and the shot clock turned off, Cade Cunningham inexplicably launched a three, and the resulting brick was taken coast-to-coast by Terry Rozier who swung it out to Bam Adebayo for a buzzer-beating game winning three.
Absolutely brutal.
3. Charlotte Hornets
Week’s record: 1-3
Season point differential: -10.1
The Hornets marginally improved this week after clocking in on the bottom of this list last week. And when I say marginal, I mean marginal — Vasilije Micić’s vicious ankle-breaker on Kevin Durant and a win over the Nets were the two things the Hornets had going for them this week.
Seriously, though, check out how nasty this was:
MICIĆ DROPPED KD pic.twitter.com/4HGD2gb4s2
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) March 16, 2024
Anyway, the Hornets are one of the least interesting box score teams of all time. Their highest scorer typically puts up between 18 and 22 points, and the rest of the roster fills out with 8-15 points each out of 90-something in a loss.
On the bright side, Charlotte has a legitimate piece to build around in Brandon Miller, as well as the flashy and exciting LaMelo Ball to boot (though Ball is constantly injured). On the downside, as I mentioned last week, the front office will have to figure out what to do with Miles Bridges this summer — Bridges’ off-the-court problems should have had him suspended for far longer than he actually was, and he’s a free agent after this season.
2. Brooklyn Nets
Week’s record: 0-4
Season point differential: -2.5
Welcome, Brooklyn.
The Nets make their debut on the Cellar Dweller Power Rankings all the way up in the number two spot. Their lack of direction is astounding: the Nets don’t control their own picks as a result of the original James Harden trade, but they certainly do not seem intent on putting a winning product on the court.
Brooklyn went 0-4 this week against the Magic, Pacers, Spurs and Pelicans, with the closest loss being by eight points. There is very little to get excited about on this Nets roster at the moment — Mikal Bridges and Cam Johnson are good players, Dorian Finney-Smith is a borderline elite role player, Dennis Schroder and Nic Claxton are decent starters/elite backups and Cam Thomas is scoring in bunches in a not-super-concerned-with-winning type of way. Other than those players, the Nets roster consists of mostly benchwarmers, some of whom are quite expensive.
The Nets need to pick a direction and they need to do it fast; but what is that direction? I don’t know, they don’t know and nobody knows. Tough time to be the Nets.
1. Washington Wizards
Week’s record: 0-4
Season point differential: -10.4 (league-worst)
I wrote this before the Wizards’ win against the Sacramento Kings last night. But either way, they are the “best” team in these rankings.
The Wizards went 0-4 this past week, with the closest game being a 16-point loss to the Houston Rockets. The other losses were by 29 points to the Bulls, 26 points to the Celtics and another loss to the Rockets by 23 points.
Sam Hauser, Ayo Dosunmu and DeAndre Ayton all dropped 30-plus points on the Wizards’ league-worst defense this week. No Wizard scored over 16 points in the blowout loss to the Bulls. And worst of all, rookie Bilal Coulibaly went out for the remainder of the season with a wrist fracture. Luckily, Coulibaly’s wrist won’t require surgery, although it is a brutal blow to have him playing zero minutes per game for the remainder of the season when it really should be closer to 48.
Wizards fans, get your flashcards ready; it’s about time to start learning a lot of new names. In the waning weeks of this train wreck of a season, I would expect players like Kyle Kuzma, Deni Avdija and Corey Kispert to be shut down and random G-Leaguers and overseas guys to get some run in an attempt to maintain lottery odds. You gotta do what you gotta do.
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So concludes Week 2 of the Cellar Dweller Power Rankings. Let me know what you think in the comments or on Twitter (@MarcoGacina).